I only have a few days left in Turkey, and I plan on spending them exploring as much of the Antalya region as I can. I don't want to leave, but work beckons.
There was a point in my life where I would follow whims without thinking too heavily about my own long term needs or the consequences that would follow. Quite frankly if I was still that person, I wouldn't be leaving. I'd have an apartment and job lined up within a few days but my work in the states and my roommate would both be sending curses my way.
When we make choices for the wrong reasons the consequences may not even hit us - at first...but allowing oneself to follow hormonal or ego based decision making leads to a certain change in the logic flow in the brain and it becomes easier and easier to make the wrong choice. I've posted many blogs about "what is a right choice", and that is not an easy answer.
The right choice, whether I like it or not, no matter how much I'll fight it, is to go back and continue working and follow through on a current offer. This would give me time to learn Turkish, settle my affairs, and do things "right".
The 18 year old version of me inside of my head is kicking me in the forehead right now, repeatedly, and blasting me with various emotions in an attempt to be irresponsible. Its a good thing I welded shackles on his wrists a long time ago.
Today I'm off to see Termessos and Perge, its shaping up to be a beautiful day in Antalya!
Haha! This is very interesting to read and think about now. Poor 18 year old Kal, you have to let him speak sometimes ;)
ReplyDeleteBut your right too, I think of those terrible, emotional driven choices I made as a younger person. Reading this though, makes a lot of sense out of the frustration you felt coming back. Maybe you tend to be sometimes so frustrated with forcing yourself to do the "right" thing, that you lose sight of why you did that in the first place.
I myself often have a really hard time figuring out what is the right choice. I tend to rely on an extra set of "special rules" when things get too tough to decide though. Special rules just entail thinking about things from the perspective of how they will affect me, with my own idiosyncrasies, versus the choice that "most people" would make. Sometimes that works out great for me, a couple of times not so good LOL :) It does tend to require thinking about a bunch of my social phobias in the context of how they are affected without trying to protect them too much and that can make my brain start hurting.
The 18 year old in me would have left my job and been homeless and eventually come back to the states with his tail between his leg. The adult in me is planning the irresponsibility and doing it the right way. Maybe they'll both be happy with the compromise. ;)
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